This morning, I grabbed a handful of my gut and I was worried. It felt like months of staying out late at comedy clubs, drinking too many beers and eating late night Carney’s hotdogs. But that wasn’t what worried me.
What worried me was the fact that in less then a week, I’ll board an airplane, fly to Thailand, and spend the next three weeks training at one of the top muay thai kickboxing schools in the country. That extra beer muscle hanging off my torso reminds me that I’m going to be leaving my comfortable hamlet of Los Angeles and transported to a 95 degree jungle latitude so I can kick a bag for 6 hours a day and the thought terrifies me. What if my cardio isn’t up to snuff? What if I can’t get work when I’m back? What if I forget how to do standup while I’m gone?
The entire idea of the trip is ludicrous. I’m a shit kick boxer. I can barely afford the expense. All these ideas just bubble in my head creating a deep anxiety and fear.
I could do without the gut but I know the fear is actually a good thing. Fear is the one indication that we are pushing our boundaries. Every worthwhile pursuit in life starts with fear.
I would never have left my cushy life in New York and moved across the country to be a standup comedian if fear stopped me. Hell, I couldn’t get on stage if fear stopped me. You can’t be a coward when it comes to your fear.
So next week I head out, fear, gut and all.