If It Looks Like A Ninja Is Trying To Kick It’s Way Out Of Your Vagina, It’s Time To Stop Wearing Yoga Pants
Luluemon, a top retailer has pulled its popular line of yoga pants off the market, claiming the material is, “too revealing.”
A spokesman for the company went on to say, “It used to be only toned, fit, sexually liberal women in their early thirties wore yoga pants in public. Today, every other middle-aged woman is wearing them, revealing far more of their cottage-cheesy thighs and overflowing mons pubis than Luluemon as a company is willing to tolerate.”
It’s Your Turn To Call Grandma
According to a new study, one in three seniors die while suffering from dementia. The other two just want someone to talk to. Anyone really. Just call. Write maybe. Or hey send me an email even, I’m “jiggy” with it.
Please, I’m cold. So cold…
Dennis the Bio-Weapon Resistant Menace
President Obama’s Bioethics Commission has released a report today advocating for testing of anthrax vaccine in children, especially, “That Mitchell brat down at 627 Elm Street.”
The report notes that, “Dennis Mitchell is a nuisance. A menace. Running around with his cow licked hair, slingshot a-dangling from his back pocket. See how a little anthrax slows him down…I mean helps science or whatever.”
The reports main author, George Wilson was unavailable for comment due to a cat being stuck in his mailbox.