I used to work with a great startup company called VYou. I was one of the companies co-founders and as such I got a lot of unsolicited e-mails about exciting synergistic possibilities for vertical cloud growth, and other such nonsense.
VYou has since gone out of business but that hasn’t stopped the sludge of emails from pouring into my inbox.
Here is one such email:
Hope all is well with you! Just wanted to circle back on my previous email I sent a couple months back. Are you the person responsible for the performance, security, and scalability of the VYou community, or is there someone else on your team I should be in touch with?Thanks again!
Fernando J. Mora, Jr.
Usually I would just delete the email, but this guys total lack of researching his sales leads made me sad face. So I wrote him a thoughtful reply:
Fernando,Wow, this is too much. The company has gone out of business.I’m currently accessing my email from a library computer because I’ve had to take to living on the street. Have you ever had everything you loved ripped from your hands? Have you ever looked over the peak of success only to tumble down the mountain and into the maw of failure?Your insensitivity is too much for me to bare. If I didn’t have 3 children, cold, hungry children and a sick wife to care for I might not be able to go on at all.Regardless, thank you for your inquiry. Currently we will not be needing any of your services. Thank you for the follow up. If you know of anywhere that has an abundance of cans or plastic bottles that are in need of recycling please feel free to reach out.Best,Chuck LudwigVYou Co-founder
I’m going to be performing a quick set at Flappers in Burbank.
If you’re in the area come check me out.
Here’s a link to the show flyer: http://flapperscomedy.com/booking/h2f_flyer.php?id=23687
You can up-vote the fuck out of this one on reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/standupshots/comments/1bt0y0/stupid_hipsters/
Luluemon, a top retailer has pulled its popular line of yoga pants off the market, claiming the material is, “too revealing.”
A spokesman for the company went on to say, “It used to be only toned, fit, sexually liberal women in their early thirties wore yoga pants in public. Today, every other middle-aged woman is wearing them, revealing far more of their cottage-cheesy thighs and overflowing mons pubis than Luluemon as a company is willing to tolerate.”
According to a new study, one in three seniors die while suffering from dementia. The other two just want someone to talk to. Anyone really. Just call. Write maybe. Or hey send me an email even, I’m “jiggy” with it.
Please, I’m cold. So cold…
President Obama’s Bioethics Commission has released a report today advocating for testing of anthrax vaccine in children, especially, “That Mitchell brat down at 627 Elm Street.”
The report notes that, “Dennis Mitchell is a nuisance. A menace. Running around with his cow licked hair, slingshot a-dangling from his back pocket. See how a little anthrax slows him down…I mean helps science or whatever.”
The reports main author, George Wilson was unavailable for comment due to a cat being stuck in his mailbox.
You can comment and upvote this mofo on reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/standupshots/comments/187fo8/gay_boyfriend/